#WarriorQueenSpeaks

So, I've had my mastectomy, my drains removed (scars from my drains), and now I'm getting expanded for my reconstructive surgery.  You see things have changed, but I'm still gonna keep it pushing. I'm moving into Goddess from Queen level up mode. This mode requires me to protect me and my energy at all times. You see I know that there is one waiting for the worse, but I'm the one that just hurt your feelings. You see, I'm going to always be A-1 ya dig!!! This cancer did it's thang to me physically, mentally, and emotionally I can't lie about that, but now I'm in control like my girl Janet said. I don't care if you think I'm ugly or bald headed because I'm still cute with dimples and the hips of a Goddess in the words of Trina...I'm the baddest. So, many have worried about all the wrong ish, and it's ok. Because you can't understand what you haven't and hopefully won't ever have to go thru with this cancer shit. My ...

I'm on the 12th floor with a beautiful view of the city. This view gives me a bit of hope for a beautiful view of my new life. But, it's been a 360° whirlwind of emotions. Like am I losing it😥😭 I act as if I can still do it all, like nothing is wrong.  And now I can understand why my cousin was hardheaded, well at least it seemed that way in our eyes. It was because we didn't understand how she was truly feeling inside. Your heart, soul, and spirit are broken. Who can you talk to? You can't look weak, and as a mother you sure don't wanna look weak in front of your kids. I don't want to look weak😭 I want to show my princes what a strong queen looks like. What a strong black woman looks like.  RIH Devin😍💖 #WarriorQueen

You know what hurts the most about this journey? Not being able to do for my Princes what I once could. Being unable to work I have no steady, good money coming in, and at the moment I don't have a car. It's so hard to listen to them tell me what they want, and I have no way to provide it. Yes, they understand it, but it still hurts me because they aren't used to this. I always come through when they need me, but now it's totally different. They truly only care about spending time with me, and I love  them so much for  that. But, they have needs and necessities, and I'm not sure how we've made it this far, but we are still here. I miss having fun with them so much! I miss having a home for us as well! It has literally been almost 2 years since we've had our own place to live. For a while, I was so pissed because I always have to go through hell when I watch others get it so easy. I mean, what did I do so bad? Am I being punished for making a bad decision ...

Well, next week starts up my next string of appointments. Surgery is drawing near, and I'm getting a little anxious. I just want everything to go as it should. This battle is far from over, and I know that but I miss having my own stuff ( my own house, car, etc). This life altering change has been hard😔 I still feel like a burden. I want to say so much, but don't know where to begin. Right now I just feel like I'm just stuck, and I miss my kids so much😥😢 I'll feel better for a few days, and think "Hey, I can work. " Then, reality hits me square in the face,  "Ma'am sat down. You can't do anything." So, I sit, sleep, eat, fight with these hot flashes, and wait until the next day.  Not to mention being broke doesn't help either.  This journey is hard and tedious, but it's mine to fight. TNBC is difficult. But, the journey always gets harder before it gets easier. Guess I'm just brand new. #WarriorQueen

I'm so tired of waking up and going to bed sick!! I wanna f#$% scream!! These last few days have damn near broke me. The way I got sick earlier felt more like an attack. It was so damn violent that for a minute there I blacked out again!! I'm glad my kids were here because they yelled, "Mama!" By that time I had dropped the bucket on the floor, and was sliding off the couch😭Like really, how much is enough?! I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle, and today has been hell. It's been a good week since my last chemo, and I'm still sick from it because it gets worse at the 5 to 10 day mark. This shit is horrible!! And I'm sorry, but I don't have anything positive to say about how I'm feeling🤬😡!! Mentally I'm exhausted trying to be and stay strong, put on a great face, and still try to do things that literally wear me out. Physically I'm exhausted and beat the hell up😭I can't sleep well, I can't eat, these hot flashes🥵 are ta...

So, this is my scar where my port was implanted. That dark mark above that is a tube that runs down the inside of my neck. This thing had been giving me the blues this week, but that's what comes along with this chemo battle. You see, every time I go to chemo they have to access my port to give me the medicine. How do they access it you say? Well, I get stuck with a little hook like needle every time. Now, this is after I come from lab where I get stuck in the arm🤦🏾‍♀️ I've been poked and prodded so much that I'm beginning to despise all needles. Each time my port is accessed it is hella painful. I slide down that chair every time hunny, but then I recover. Next, I get to sit for 2 hours through 4-5 bags of IV chemo meds. Then, my OBI(On Body Injector) is attached to my stomach. I have to wait until that little needle sticks me as before I can leave chemo. You see, with the OBI medicine I don't have to go back to the doctor to get the steroid shot. The OBI gives m...

Hey y'all! Today I'm dealing with 'Facing my Face'. I used to think that my skin was bad, and my acne was the devil!! But, when I look back I clearly can say that my 1-4 bumps every now and again ain't nothing to now. Like, I literally wake up every day with new bumps on my face. These bumps are painful, come in all sizes, and can just kill a sista's whole spirit. Your skin becomes so sensitive that everything causes it to burn, itch, and hurt. I have to take Gabapentin to try and control my nerves because this Peripheral  Neuropathy is awful. My feet were on fire and just hurt like you would not believe. I really can't be on my feet for what seems like any long or short periods of time. Then, it effects your hands making them burn, itch, and hurt. Like, it actually can get so painful that it feels like millions of electric shocks at once. You guys this stuff is no joke. I need everyone to please be sure that you do your home self checks. If you are if ag...