Skip to main content

Thoughts

Well, next week starts up my next string of appointments. Surgery is drawing near, and I'm getting a little anxious. I just want everything to go as it should. This battle is far from over, and I know that but I miss having my own stuff ( my own house, car, etc). This life altering change has been hard😔 I still feel like a burden.

I want to say so much, but don't know where to begin. Right now I just feel like I'm just stuck, and I miss my kids so much😥😢 I'll feel better for a few days, and think "Hey, I can work. " Then, reality hits me square in the face,  "Ma'am sat down. You can't do anything." So, I sit, sleep, eat, fight with these hot flashes, and wait until the next day.  Not to mention being broke doesn't help either.  This journey is hard and tedious, but it's mine to fight. TNBC is difficult. But, the journey always gets harder before it gets easier.

Guess I'm just brand new.
#WarriorQueen

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Red Dragon

So, I'm on my new chemo medicine,  and it is a beast...we call it the "red dragon". We call it that because it is blood red, and the side effects are a damn beast🐉 This medication keeps me nauseous, and has dramatically changed my skin. I literally have bumps all over my face, in my ears, in my brows, and on my head. And, they hurt like the dickens. When I look in the mirror it makes me wanna cry... which I'm sure is coming soon. Like, my face has changed dramatically and I can't even wear makeup anymore. My skin is so sensitive to every little thing. All of this happening makes me realize mentally that my beauty is deeper within. I realized that I was still partially hiding behind my makeup because I didn't feel as beautiful as I thought. You know what days that I know I'm beautiful...chemo days. Because I genuinely take my time, and get myself ready makeup and all. Now this week will be my first week not wearing makeup to chemo because my skin is too ...

Mode

So, I've had my mastectomy, my draims removed (scars from my drains), and now I'm getting expanded for my reconstructive surgery.  You see things have changed, but I'm still gonna keep it pushing. I'm moving into Goddess from Queen level up mode. This mode requires me to protect me and my energy at all times. You see I know that their is one waiting for the worse, but I'm the one that just hurt your feelings. You see, I'm going to always be A muthafukin' 1 ya dig!!! This cancer did it's thang to me physically, mentally, and emotionally I can't lie about that, but now I'm in control like my girl Janet said. I don't care if you think I'm ugly or bald headed because I'm still cute with dimples and the hips of a Goddess in the words of Trina...I'm the baddest. So, many have worried about all the wrong ish, and it's ok. Because you can't understand what you haven't and hopefully won't ever have to go thru with this ...

After Effects of Chemo

You never know how things will effect you until a couple days later. Chemo whoops my a$! every other week for at least a week. The nerve pain is indescribable!!  It's like thousands of electric shocks 24/7! I can't grip things, open my medications, or actually type on my phone; I have to use my stylus. Then, the feet, Lawd Hammercy!! They stay puffy, swollen, and sometimes hurt when I put shoes on. Next, the nausea & not being able to taste food, drink, anything🤦🏾‍♀️where do I begin!! It sucks!! Finally, the body as a whole is just defeated. My bones and joints hurt like I have a undiscovered flu strain!! That's the best way to describe it. My body hurts like I have the flu to the 125th power😔 It just takes a toll on my spirit & heart ya know. There aren't any days where you feel like your old self. Like NONE😔  There are only a few days (maybe 4) that I will feel like going places, but then it's time for chemo again. CHEMO😡🤬!! It's hard but it...