Skip to main content

The Princes

You know what hurts the most about this journey? Not being able to do for my Princes what I once could. Being unable to work I have no steady, good money coming in, and at the moment I don't have a car. It's so hard to listen to them tell me what they want, and I have no way to provide it. Yes, they understand it, but it still hurts me because they aren't used to this. I always come through when they need me, but now it's totally different. They truly only care about spending time with me, and I love  them so much for  that. But, they have needs and necessities, and I'm not sure how we've made it this far, but we are still here.

I miss having fun with them so much!
I miss having a home for us as well! It has literally been almost 2 years since we've had our own place to live. For a while, I was so pissed because I always have to go through hell when I watch others get it so easy. I mean, what did I do so bad? Am I being punished for making a bad decision when I was chilling? It can't be that because I've learned so much about myself. And, I always seem to be the last one to get it right. Maybe, I needed to get thru this journey so that I will be ok. Because to be honest, I would not have been able to keep up with rent. But, I'm ready to be right, be comfortable, and just live a good life. My kids deserve that.

They are such good kids, when they aren't fighting🤷🏾‍♀️😅 I really just miss being their mama. Cancer literally affects every area of your life especially as a single mom. All you think about is your kids. They are just as stressed as I am, and I don't want them to be. I want them to be back happy, and I don't want their light to ever be diminished again.
#WarriorQueen

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Red Dragon

So, I'm on my new chemo medicine,  and it is a beast...we call it the "red dragon". We call it that because it is blood red, and the side effects are a damn beast🐉 This medication keeps me nauseous, and has dramatically changed my skin. I literally have bumps all over my face, in my ears, in my brows, and on my head. And, they hurt like the dickens. When I look in the mirror it makes me wanna cry... which I'm sure is coming soon. Like, my face has changed dramatically and I can't even wear makeup anymore. My skin is so sensitive to every little thing. All of this happening makes me realize mentally that my beauty is deeper within. I realized that I was still partially hiding behind my makeup because I didn't feel as beautiful as I thought. You know what days that I know I'm beautiful...chemo days. Because I genuinely take my time, and get myself ready makeup and all. Now this week will be my first week not wearing makeup to chemo because my skin is too ...
2 comments
Read more

Mode

So, I've had my mastectomy, my draims removed (scars from my drains), and now I'm getting expanded for my reconstructive surgery.  You see things have changed, but I'm still gonna keep it pushing. I'm moving into Goddess from Queen level up mode. This mode requires me to protect me and my energy at all times. You see I know that their is one waiting for the worse, but I'm the one that just hurt your feelings. You see, I'm going to always be A muthafukin' 1 ya dig!!! This cancer did it's thang to me physically, mentally, and emotionally I can't lie about that, but now I'm in control like my girl Janet said. I don't care if you think I'm ugly or bald headed because I'm still cute with dimples and the hips of a Goddess in the words of Trina...I'm the baddest. So, many have worried about all the wrong ish, and it's ok. Because you can't understand what you haven't and hopefully won't ever have to go thru with this ...
2 comments
Read more

After Effects of Chemo

You never know how things will effect you until a couple days later. Chemo whoops my a$! every other week for at least a week. The nerve pain is indescribable!!  It's like thousands of electric shocks 24/7! I can't grip things, open my medications, or actually type on my phone; I have to use my stylus. Then, the feet, Lawd Hammercy!! They stay puffy, swollen, and sometimes hurt when I put shoes on. Next, the nausea & not being able to taste food, drink, anything🤦🏾‍♀️where do I begin!! It sucks!! Finally, the body as a whole is just defeated. My bones and joints hurt like I have a undiscovered flu strain!! That's the best way to describe it. My body hurts like I have the flu to the 125th power😔 It just takes a toll on my spirit & heart ya know. There aren't any days where you feel like your old self. Like NONE😔  There are only a few days (maybe 4) that I will feel like going places, but then it's time for chemo again. CHEMO😡🤬!! It's hard but it...
2 comments
Read more