#WarriorQueenSpeaks

You never know how things will effect you until a couple days later. Chemo whoops my a$! every other week for at least a week. The nerve pain is indescribable!!  It's like thousands of electric shocks 24/7! I can't grip things, open my medications, or actually type on my phone; I have to use my stylus. Then, the feet, Lawd Hammercy!! They stay puffy, swollen, and sometimes hurt when I put shoes on. Next, the nausea & not being able to taste food, drink, anything🤦🏾‍♀️where do I begin!! It sucks!! Finally, the body as a whole is just defeated. My bones and joints hurt like I have a undiscovered flu strain!! That's the best way to describe it. My body hurts like I have the flu to the 125th power😔 It just takes a toll on my spirit & heart ya know. There aren't any days where you feel like your old self. Like NONE😔  There are only a few days (maybe 4) that I will feel like going places, but then it's time for chemo again. CHEMO😡🤬!! It's hard but it...

I feel like I'm on pause. I can't move forward until I get well. I can't do anything, and it hurts. I can't do anything with my kids because I'm tired asf. I want to talk, but then I don't because I don't wanna complain. I'm so damn weird!! It's like I don't wanna burden anyone with my illness. Constant bone & joint pain, constant nerve pain....what else can hurt ya know.  Oh yeah my heart, my emotions are all over the place, but I try to be strong. Truth be told, I'm an emotional mess. How do you handle your emotions, but you not want to conceived as weak. Cancer and chemo are nothing to play with! They will break you, and it's in every aspect of breaking, physically, emotionally, and mentally.  Then you see everyone else living their best life, while you are just trying to live, period. I try to find happiness on my good days, but those are few and far in between. I always feel better about 3-4 days before I have to have chemo a...

Ugh...the days before chemo always depress me the most. I'll spend my whole year getting well, and hopefully next year will be what I need. I'm just feeling really sad and alone right now. It sucks because this just can't be talked about with anyone unless you've been through it, and know what your body and mind goes through😔 I try to do things to get my mind on other stuff, but I only get a few good days before chemo comes again. More would be better, but I'm grateful for what I have. Maybe today is just a depression type of day. Cancer won't rule me, but it damn sure does break a sista down. I can't be there for the people who need me the most...so I'm just hoping for the best. 

I'm going to beat this, period!! Yesterday was chemo day, and I'm not feeling it at all. I'm so tired,  nauseous, swollen, and achy. I'm also losing my hair now, and it takes about a week for it to be completely gone. Not sure how I feel about this tbh. I'm glad I'm shaved my head so that I'm be kinda prepared. I think I would've freaked out finding chunks of hair in my bed or on my pillow. This feeling of going to sleep and waking up with cancer is crazy as heck!! It's hard for me not to feel lonely because no one can really understand what I'm going through. But, my support system is absolutely amazing!! I couldn't ask for anything more. It's just so hard because I still try to be like I wa before cancer. I try to do things, be active,  and when I do too much my body will sit me down. The mind is willing, but the body isn't. Let's not mention eating...ugh!! Nothing has taste, and nausea won't let me be great!! So, I drin...

I went ahead and shaved the rest of my hair off. I was noticing that the hair on one side of my head was way shorter then the rest. I also have these bumps in my scalp, and my scalp is slightly sore. This Peripheral Neuropathy is also the devil🙅🏾‍♀️!! I would love to write, but it hurts to grip a pen. This is the easiest way to get my story out. I'm not at death's door or anything like that, but I feel that I have to tell my story with this. My lil body doesn't like chemo at all!! But at least I'll be mentally prepared from here on out. My recovery time looks to be a week to 10 days. But, at my chemo class I learned that as I have more chemo things will get worse. Not looking forward to that🤦🏾‍♀️ at all, but I'm looking forward to becoming cancer free. 2019 will be the most memorable year in me and my princes lives. The struggle was already real, and I just knew I was about to change our lives and get our own home. Then, I get diagnosed with Invasive Ductal Ca...

It's so crazy that I'm sitting up here writing this with Triple Negative Breast Cancer😔. Then I started chemo Tuesday 03/05/19. I'm sad, mad, and all around just in a state of shock. As we speak I'm sitting here with a port implanted in my chest and neck for my chemotherapy. S@#!😡...I'm having freakin' chemo, like freakin' really!!!! I'm sorry but I just feel the need to say these things. This port in my chest and tube in my neck is so uncomfortable and painful. I can't lie down or lean a certain way because it causes so much pain. This chemo for me so damn tiring. I can't even do simple stuff like fix a snack, get showered, and get dressed. I was so tired after I got done doing that today. And guess what...I'm still tired. Who would've ever thought that I'd get breast cancer!! I know I didn't. Just hearing those words were devastating. I didn't know how to tell my kids or even what to say to them. Even now it's st...