Ugh...the days before chemo always depress me the most. I'll spend my whole year getting well, and hopefully next year will be what I need. I'm just feeling really sad and alone right now. It sucks because this just can't be talked about with anyone unless you've been through it, and know what your body and mind goes through😔 I try to do things to get my mind on other stuff, but I only get a few good days before chemo comes again. More would be better, but I'm grateful for what I have. Maybe today is just a depression type of day. Cancer won't rule me, but it damn sure does break a sista down. I can't be there for the people who need me the most...so I'm just hoping for the best.
So, I'm on my new chemo medicine, and it is a beast...we call it the "red dragon". We call it that because it is blood red, and the side effects are a damn beast🐉 This medication keeps me nauseous, and has dramatically changed my skin. I literally have bumps all over my face, in my ears, in my brows, and on my head. And, they hurt like the dickens. When I look in the mirror it makes me wanna cry... which I'm sure is coming soon. Like, my face has changed dramatically and I can't even wear makeup anymore. My skin is so sensitive to every little thing. All of this happening makes me realize mentally that my beauty is deeper within. I realized that I was still partially hiding behind my makeup because I didn't feel as beautiful as I thought. You know what days that I know I'm beautiful...chemo days. Because I genuinely take my time, and get myself ready makeup and all. Now this week will be my first week not wearing makeup to chemo because my skin is too ...
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