#WarriorQueenSpeaks

 💯Man, this is so crazy yo!!💯  I've been waiting for this date for over a year.  November 3, 2020, will be like a rebirth for me physically.  Like, I am actually excited, nervous, anxious, etc.  I mean this is one of the biggest surgeries I have ever had.  I mean the mastectomy was a huge deal, but this is Breast DIEP Flap surgery; DIEP stands for Deep Inferior Epigastric Perforator.  With the DIEP Flap surgery the lower abdominal skin and fat is removed without having to harvest any of the rectus abdominis muscle.  Then, with the skin and fat from my stomach the plastic surgeons will reconstruct me a new breast, and perform a lift on the other breast to make them even.  Oh and I will be having my stomach muscles tightened up and hernia removed as well.  I won't have a bellybutton, but my plastic surgeon says he can make me a pretty one a later date!!!   I can't lie ya girl is LIT ASF about getting this surgery done, but more...

No one will ever understand how traumatic it is to look down and see a huge, ugly scar where your breast used to be. It does make you feel less feminine and less beautiful. Maybe not all, but surely in my case. When I put on certain shirts, it really looks awkward, so I usually have to change my shirt at least twice to find one that looks ok on me. My mind still has a hard time comprehending what has happened in my life. I've been under an extreme amount of stress, and I'm praying that I don't have a breakdown. Sometimes I just want to run away, but what would that help? Some days I'm super strong, and on other days I'm barely holding on. My memory has been effected by the chemo, and it has started to become more noticeable as time moves on. My nerves are definitely damaged, and I'm wonder after my surgery if I'll have any feeling in my breasts? Right now, I don't have any feeling under my arm where the 8 lymph nodes were removed, and I have no fee...

Today has been hellish to say the least, but the veil has been lifted!! I have literally been lying to myself, about everyone and everything because I thought I was helping, but in doing so I hurt me and my princes.  I don't need anyone acting like they care when they truly don't. If you are going to talk about me please be sure you have all the facts because talking out the side of ya neck is frowned upon by me.  Every since the cancer has left people act as if my life automatically jumped back to normal.  Uh...no the hell it didn't!! I'm sitting here right now with 1 normal breast, 1 amputated breast but stuffed with a expander that feels like a brick, I'm still in constant pain with this left arm that's not fully functional, and people just made it up in their mind that I'm healed...bullshit!!! Who tf are you? For this past year I've lived through hell. No income, No car, No home of my own, period. I only worked for 1 month last year because of the ...

Well, this is an interesting year so far. Let's just say I will definitely be getting my ass up outta here. I'm so tired of folks acting like I fucking chose to have cancer. Just because I'm cancer-free does not mean I'm 100% healthy. People would rather see me hospitalized, sick from chemo treatment, and broke down because in their eyes I guess that's "Cancer". What is wrong with people?? I've had the last few months to really get back to some sense of normalcy. To really be able to enjoy just not feeling or being sick.  Is that too much to ask? Of course it is🙄*hard ass eye roll* because people know exactly what the hell I'm going through. They can't and won't EVER BE ABLE TO feel nor understand my pain physically, mentally, and emotionally. No one stresses about where they live or are going to live, but I have since day 1. I cannot afford anybody's rent right now,  and I can't work at anyone's job because of upcoming surge...