Man, so I have been adjusting to this new body and it has definitely taken some getting used to. It is so weird to get the body you have literally dreamed of. I can't lie I am so scared that I will gain weight and lose this all, but I know that won't happen at all because I am being careful.
Now, mentally it has been taxing....like I have no idea sometimes because I am so overwhelmed at times. Even when I look in the mirror I see someone else, and that has been my struggle. I have closed myself off to the world because I am in such a protection mode that it's crazy! I have allowed myself to almost become a hermit if it is not work related. Like, I haven't done anything but work, and I need to have fun, but my trust is a whole other issue. "Life can only be what you make it," Mary J. Blige. Y'all, I have made my life so solitary that it is a damn shame. I am working on getting past that, and I am really going to put myself out there, but in a careful way yet and still because people are still crazy asf.
I need to do this because before cancer I was way more sociable and I was actually going places. But my own mental gets in the way sometimes, and now that I have recognized that I have got to step back out here and reintroduce myself.
Will it be easy, not at all, but will I do it as scared as I am...you betta believe it!!!
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